Friends are important. They are your source of sanity, your reprieve from a bad day, your support system, your knight in shining armor, your confidant, and as the famous show said, they’re your person.
However, being careful about friendships is very important, as there is a flip side to it as well.
Your friendships might be the reason that you are feeling so anxious, so much so that you have to request aid from a Psychologist in Karachi rather than feeling invigorated after meeting your friend, you feel drained.
Instead of adding value to your life, too much of friend-time is causing you to feel worse about yourself.
Your friend might not be a toxic person with bad intentions; sometimes, good friends can fray your nerves. Here is where having boundaries comes in.
The importance of boundaries
Boundaries are not you trying to cordon off people, but it is about placing everyone in a comfortable zone, including yourself. Healthy boundaries help in avoiding conflict and strengthening relationships.
It also helps you in valuing your friendship. Boundaries are also effective in ensuring that the relationship is mutually beneficial.
While it is important for all of us to have boundaries, it is especially vital to have boundaries if you relate to any of the following with regards to your friendship:
You are giving, always
It is good to help friends out, but if you are perpetually in the state of giving, whether it be support, money or material things to the point where you are overtaxing yourselves, you need to put some boundaries to this relationship.
Tell your friends that it needs to be a mutually beneficial relationship. They also need to bring value to the relationship; being there alone is not sufficient.
You are already mentally strained
It is important to lend your friend your ear, but if you yourself are struggling, and have fraught nerves, adding more can lead to your impaired mental health.
So, if your friend is constantly in the mood to complain, which also has an impact on your mental peace, then you must establish some ground rules. When you are feeling overwhelmed, make it okay for you to get a rain check.
You are not comfortable with the discussion
Even if they are your friend, they do not have the right to make you feel uncomfortable. They should not be asking for information that is private and which you’d rather not share, or are broaching sensitive topics like politics, religion etc. that put you on edge, then set it clear that these topics are off-limits to you.
You don’t like the mode of communication
You like texting, but your friend loves to call. You would rather catch up on zoom, while your friend wants sleepovers. While it is okay for you and your friends to accommodate each other together, if you are constantly the one making the sacrifice, you need to set a clear boundary on the way you are willing to communicate.
Difficulty in setting boundaries
It is easier to establish boundaries at the beginning of the relationship, as both parties are learning the ropes. However, resetting the tone of the relationship can be challenging. It does not however mean that you refuse to do so but fortify yourself against the challenge.
You might be scared of losing a trusting friend but know that if they are not interested in making you comfortable, then perhaps its good riddance.
Similarly, try not to rip the band aid off; some people might be tempted to just blurt their issues with lack of boundaries, but that can hurt your friend. So, watch your tone as you broach the subject. Try to gradually introduce the concept.
You can also benefit from talking to your psychologist about coping with similar confrontations, and their impact on your mental health.
